How to know you are a Fat Triathlete

1.You have scrape marks on your stomach from the lake bottom during the swim.

2.The swim officials keep mistaking your waist for a floatation device.

3.You are appalled that weight limits are not prominently displayed on road bikes.

4.That time you tripped on a steep downhill is the only time you ever passed anyone on the run.

5.You can only recognize people from the back.

6.The promoter asks you to "grab those cones on the way by"

7.At the end of the run your idea of a kick is to quit crawling.

8.You are hoping "Sugar Loading" will catch on.

9.You have yet to meet a swimming coach that can stop laughing long enough to give advice.

10.You have trouble finding xxx-large speedos that look good on you.

11.Your side stitch goes all the way to your foot.

12.You only sign up for Triathlons that have ice cream shops on the course.

13.The race officials encourage you to take shortcuts.

14.The lake water is perfectly calm as you finish the swim.

15.The sag wagon has a bike rack reserved in your name.

16.Your name is preprinted in last place on the race result form.

17.You don't worry about how much your running shoes weigh.

18.The Clydesdales think you should be in a higher weight class.

19.After sitting on that little marathon guy, you too are convinced that crack kills.

20.You are having problems finding an aerodynamic picnic basket for your bike.

Here are five more just for reading this far

21.During the run, your shorts catch fire from the friction of your thighs.

22.Pinch flats are a way of life.

23.While lake training in your wetsuit, you are mistakenly harpooned.

24.After escaping unscathed in a jogging/car accident you are sued for the cost of a totaled VW.

25.Your Doberman is intimidated by your stomach's growling.

and I almost forgot

26.You refuse to do the Pikes Peak downhill until you can figure out a way to mount Corvette brakes on your bike.

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